The Strength in Asking for Help

A Lesson from My Concussion Recovery Journey

I’ve always been a pretty independent person. Asking for help is a tough one for me. When something needs to be done, I generally figure out how to do it. If I don’t know how, I learn. If something goes wrong, I find a way around it.

Asking for help? Well, that’s never been particularly high on my list of favorite activities.

I’m much more comfortable being the person who offers help than the one who needs it. Perhaps you can relate.

Recovering from a concussion and subdural hematomas has taught me something I apparently needed to learn: Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is admit we can’t do everything ourselves, and believe me, that lesson didn’t come easily.

When Determination Isn’t Enough

When I first began recovering from the brain injury, I approached it the way I’ve approached most challenges in my life. I was going to work hard, stay positive, do what I could to help myself heal and get back to being me.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not exactly.

Brain injuries don’t seem particularly impressed by determination. They don’t care how motivated you are, how many things are on your to-do list, or how accustomed you are to juggling a dozen responsibilities at once. In fact, they have their own timetable.

And that timetable can be maddening!

I would have a good day, sometimes even several good days and think I was finally making real progress. Then I’d do a little too much, perhaps spend time in a noisy environment or push myself mentally and suddenly I’d be exhausted again.

The brain fog would return. My concentration would disappear. Tasks that once seemed effortless required more energy than I could muster.

I kept trying to figure it out myself. After all, I’m someone who has spent years learning about health, wellness, nutrition, and the remarkable ability of our bodies to heal. Surely I could manage this, except I wasn’t managing it nearly as well as I wanted to.

The Frustration of Not Getting Better Fast Enough

One of the most difficult parts of concussion recovery has been the unpredictability.

It’s hard to plan your life when you don’t know how much energy your brain will have available on any given day. It’s especially hard when you’re accustomed to being productive, independent, and busy. I found myself getting increasingly discouraged.

I was doing what I thought I should be doing. I was resting, paying attention to nutrition, trying to pace myself and working to maintain a positive attitude, but the progress wasn’t happening as quickly or as consistently as I had hoped.

I began to wonder whether I was missing something. Was there something else I should be doing? Was I expecting too much? Was I somehow getting in my own way?

Perhaps the most frustrating question of all was, “Why couldn’t I just figure this out?”

That’s when I began to realize my fierce independence, something I’d always considered a strength, might actually be making this journey harder than it needed to be. Asking for help became top of mind for me.

Learning to Ask for Help

Eventually, my discouragement became stronger than my reluctance to ask for help.

I can’t say there was one dramatic moment when everything changed. It was more of a gradual realization that trying to navigate this recovery entirely on my own wasn’t serving me particularly well.

I needed guidance. I needed perspective. I needed an expert and sometimes, I simply needed someone to remind me recovery isn’t necessarily a straight line.

Asking for help meant acknowledging I didn’t have all the answers. Imagine that…

It also meant accepting having professional knowledge about health and wellness doesn’t make me an expert in every aspect of brain injury recovery.

There’s a considerable difference between understanding the importance of patience and actually practicing it when you’re the one who needs it. I’m still working on that particular skill.

Reaching out for help began to feel less like admitting defeat and more like taking an active role in my own recovery, and that was an important shift!

Strength Doesn’t Always Look the Way We Expect

I suspect many of us have a rather narrow definition of strength.

We associate it with pushing through, handling problems independently and continuing to function regardless of what’s happening around us.

There’s certainly value in perseverance, but I’ve come to believe there’s another kind of strength that’s just as important. It’s the strength to recognize our limitations without allowing them to define us. It’s the courage to say, “I’m struggling with this, and I could use some help.” It’s being willing to listen to someone else’s perspective, even when we’d much rather have everything neatly figured out ourselves. And, it’s understanding that accepting help doesn’t diminish our independence! Sometimes, it’s exactly what helps us regain it.

Giving Myself Some Wiggle Room

If you’ve followed my writing for a while, you know I’m a big believer in giving ourselves “wiggle room”.

I’ve spent years encouraging people to make manageable changes rather than expecting perfection. Apparently, I needed a refresher course in my own philosophy.

Concussion recovery has reminded me progress can be slow, uneven and frustrating without being meaningless. Some days, success means accomplishing something that would once have taken me ten minutes. Other days, success means recognizing I’ve reached my limit and need to stop before I make things worse. Sometimes, success means asking someone else for assistance instead of insisting I can handle everything myself.

None of those things comes naturally to me, but I’m learning.

A Different Kind of Progress

I still want my old energy back. I miss the mental clarity, the stamina, and the ability to move through a busy day without constantly checking in with myself to see how much energy I have left. I’m not going to pretend otherwise, but I’ve also begun to recognize recovery involves more than waiting for symptoms to disappear. It’s learning how to work with the brain I have today while giving it the opportunity to continue healing. It’s adjusting expectations without giving up hope, and it’s accepting other people may have knowledge, experience, or support that can make the journey a little easier.

I haven’t suddenly become someone who loves asking for help. Let’s not get carried away about that one! I’m getting better at it, and perhaps that’s progress worth celebrating, too.

If You’re Struggling, Please Don’t Go It Alone

Whether you’re recovering from a concussion, dealing with another health challenge or simply facing something that feels overwhelming, I hope you’ll remember this:

You don’t have to prove your strength by doing everything yourself.

Sometimes, reaching out and asking for help is the most courageous and productive thing you can do.

Ask questions. Seek qualified guidance. Let people support you, and please don’t measure your worth by how much you can accomplish without assistance.

I’m still on the recovery journey. I still have frustrating days, and I still occasionally expect more of myself than I should. I’m learning asking for help isn’t surrendering control. It’s making a thoughtful decision to give myself the best possible chance to move forward.

For someone who’s spent a lifetime trying to figure everything out herself, that’s a pretty significant accomplishment.

Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Even if the dog occasionally needs a nap afterward. 😉

Your questions and comments are always welcome. I love hearing from you!